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 As I lay in bed, a single tear drop falls,

Throughout this battle I’ve always given my all.

The thoughts keep swirling around in my head,

I begin to wonder, am I better off dead?

People look up to me, my bravery they applaud.

I just look back at them, I deem myself a fraud.

“We’re here for you” the masses will say.

The voices are caring, but don’t keep the thoughts at bay.

Others will chastise me, “you’re a liar, sick-note” and more,

I’m at the mercy of my mind, I’m it’s bitch and it’s whore.

Mental illness I can cope with, autism as well, to a degree,

But recent weeks have left the questions unanswered. Is this really me?

Perhaps I should retire to a life where the focus is taken away,

The fight needs fighting, but nobody needs to hear the words that I say.

I’ll finish my studies, I’ve worked so hard to just give up. 

However, my race is run for activism, award me the hypocrisy cup!

I can’t fight my own battles why would you listen to me?

I’ll be okay though, as the tears roll down, I’ll be ok, you’ll see.