The yearly appraisal

 Yeah it’s that time of year where every tv channel has a 2022 best of, although channel 4 probably make theirs a naked version, so why shouldn’t I join in, although I will remain clothed, especially in December’s weather.

In terms of actual mental health issues, it’s been a quiet year, I’ve had wobbles, most notably in late summer, where I’ve had trouble letting go of things. However, I have also found a wonderful counsellor, first paid for by my employer, which has become ironic given the pressure they’ve put on my mental health of late. I’ve finally found a counsellor who understands me, my quirks and recurring faults, and although industrial action has meant I’ve not been able to see her recently, the brain seems to have understood what we’ve been working at, and I’ve held my shit together, even in the face of… er… issues at work shall we say?! It’s also been 6 years from my big meltdown, and I’m still standing!

Of course the summer did bring news of a diagnosis for ASD. Something that really knocked me all over the place. For whatever reason, I kept tripping over myself when trying to comprehend what autism meant for me. It took about 3 months to fully understand the diagnosis and what affect it had been having over the years, without being diagnosed. Now I know that some of my personality is related to ASD it makes understanding some of my actions much easier, and to be fair to our new boss at work, my employer has been very good with working with the diagnosis, although I do feel a fraud at times because I’ve worked (well turned up, occasionally) on the railway for 20 years, and never needed special dispensation before.

My relationship with my biological family is non existent. Failure to even address my ASD was the final straw, and I know relationship issues can be an autistic trait, I’m quite happy with Carrie and the boys in my life, some quality friends (name checking Aaron, Scotty, Emma, Geoff and of course Louise “bird”), are like my family. 

I’ve also rediscovered my love for football and social anxieties have been lessened, by going to watch Staveley MWFC. As a Norwich fan, I always enjoyed a club with a community feel, but as that became detached from my love of NCFC, I found it at Inkersall Road, and the fact that quite often one of the kids will join me, is a massive bonus.

I also became a mental health first aider, and assisted in the production of a video promoting my employer’s wellbeing service. I also wrote a blog with some awesome contributions from other survivors, which I was incredibly proud of. However, my campaigning hasn’t been the best this year, but speaking to the wonderful Sarah (@claretbubbles on twitter) we are planning something next year, we just don’t know what yet!!! 

Guess that’s it, but I’ve been touched by some of the messages of thanks this year. I never say or do anything for praise or thanks, I just want people to know that life goes on, despite what you may be going through. I’m just happy to support you. 

Merry Christmas, keep smiling and peace 💚