Roses need poop to grow

 It was back in 2017 where I wrote my first blog, detailing my struggles with mental illness, and over the years I’ve updated this page with stories of battles and achievements, and really I wanted to write something that shows how much stronger my illness has made me.

Since being diagnosed I’ve always made it my mission to help others in a similar position. Mental health became my passion and I want to offer help to anyone who may need it. It’s become my mantra, and I’ve made some really good friends from it. Some of those friends have gone on to campaign along side me, and in some ways, supersede what I set out to achieve.

I have my own plans in place though, this is why I’m studying for a degree in Psychology and Counselling with the open university. The best way I could see to affect change, was to use my lived experience to start a new career. Would I have done that without my battles? It’s hard to say, but I was remarkably settled in my career on the railway.

The degree has forced me to address my illness in the same way that my illness has forced me to address everything in my life. Oh yeah I have bad days, and as I realise what it is, they seemingly get a lot worse as I try and battle back against it, but even that’s better than previously letting it manifest and ruin my life.

Opportunities have arisen from all this too. It’s why I was honoured to become mental health ambassador for The Canaries Trust in the summer of 2020. A role that combines my love for Norwich City and mental health awareness. It’s weird being given a role where I can directly influence mental health awareness, but going back to my study, it’s exciting having the opportunity to affect change. I’ve embraced the role, and The Canaries Trust are hosting an online mental health forum for Time to Talk day, organised, primarily, by me. Something I’d never have though possible in 2016.

So, what have we learned kids? Suffering from borderline Personality Disorder puts massive strain on relationships, my wife, family, friends and fellow trust board members will testify to that, but I have grown so much over the 4 years that I’ve been publishing blogs, and that can only be possible because of who I am and what I have been through. If you’re reading this and are struggling, don’t lose sight of who you really are, you’re stronger than this, and you’ll be better for it on the other side. 

Peace 💚


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