World mental health day 2020

 It’s okay to not be okay. 6 words that can change your world. 

I don’t like myself. I have to live with things I’ve done, or considered, because of my mental illness. I wake up every day with a cloud over me. However, every day I have the love and support of my family and friends. I continue to battle back on a daily basis and you can too. 

People have used me, manipulated me and broken me. However, others have picked me up, dusted me down and rebuilt me.

My mental illness affects my life every day, and dreading my own birthdays and Christmas is an awful thing I have to live with, my brain doesn’t afford me the luxury of pleasing myself or being the centre of attention, whilst at the same time making selfish choices that make me the centre of attention. 

I have to live with the memory of considering taking my own life when my children were just babies. I have to live with the memory of my wife crying when my destructive behaviour affected our relationship. 

However, I also live with the memories of marrying my soul mate, of holding my three boys in my arms when they were born, of helping them grow in to fantastic young men. I have new goals in life, I want to help people fight through what I have, I want to be a good friend, the best husband I can be, the best dad the boys could need. 

Yes I’ll wake up with my heart exploding out of my chest some times, anxiety with no reason, low points where I just want to hide away and times where it’s easier to allow the world to pass me by. BUT, I am here, I am writing this, and you are reading this. We’re getting through this together. 

Talk, share, love. Peace 💚

Comments

  1. Unknown20 November 2020 at 00:34

    I have just read your blogs. Wow, I have to say that although I have worked as a carer, Auxiliary nurse and care coordinator, I have never really , certainly in a professional capacity had much experience with any sort of mental health issues. I was with a girl for a while , many years ago who bounced between anorexia and bulimia. That was so hard. I was with her for 18 months, tried to help, to understand, but ultimately is got its claws into both of us and the relationship failed. However 30 add years later, she is engaged to be married , but we are still good buddies.
    There are lots of things you have written about that that ring true with me. I suffer with a bit of OCD and I hate it when things dont pan out right or plans are changed. When its becomes difficult to do things the way I feel have to be done a certain way, but something or someone makes that difficult or impossible. Sometimes it almost makes me feel physically sick and I want to go into a small room and scream.
    Life eh ! It's just throws bloomin curve balls at you when you least expect or want, and then occasionally you hit one right out of the park and everything seems fine for a while.
    Have a great day when you can , and when it's not such a great day, just try to remember the goodness of the good day.
    Namaste.

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