So this is Christmas, or was!

When I last wrote, I was facing a rapidly approaching Christmas and I wasn’t sure how I was going to find it. As is the case with my head, the apocalyptic festive season never appeared. In fact, and whisper it quietly, I actually quite enjoyed Christmas this year. Taking all 3 boys down to Norwich on my own had its challenges, but even then it was nice to spend daddy and boys time together. As is the case, I would’ve spent longer in Norwich if I could, you start to think old friends are beginning to forget about you and you become an acquaintance, however, I don’t tend to like being that social just yet, it was a problem that came up during therapy, and one that I’ve struggled to deal with. Instead, opting for staying at home, which in my mind means I don’t waste a precious day off travelling about. Crazy isn’t it?
Preceding Christmas, and my trip to Norwich, I did receive news that, I’ll admit, was a confidence crushingly blow. I’d been standing for union rep at my depot, I thought it’d give me the drive and focus I’d been lacking since returning to work in February. Confident I could make a change for the better, I put myself out there, and got shot down. I lost the vote. It was gutting, and I reverted to type. I ignored the result and mumbled incoherent replies when asked about it. I did the only thing all mature folk do, I pretended it never happened. Even now, some 2 weeks later, I can’t bring myself to talk about it, convincing myself I’m not popular and that’s why I lost. Paranoia is a bitch, and it’s definitely playing it’s part right now. “You did well mate” came the messages, but I felt I’ve let people down, people that believed in me. I’d made a promise to myself regarding my future if I did lose, keeping the promise though will be tough.
So yeah, Christmas was probably the best Christmas we’ve had as a family in many years, and I’m remaining focussed on those positives. The negatives are there, but I recognise them now, which is one thing I could never do previously, before it got too late.
Happy new year

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