Happy ending?
No, not the kind of happy ending reserved for the end of a massage on the attercliffe Road, this is the type of happy ending reserved for those that see happiness as something nearly as rare as a Norwich City away win.
It’s been a while since I blogged last, and that’s because I’ve almost been living a normal life. To me, the occasional black day is normal, and as much as it infuriates Mrs G, it’s part of who I am now. However, since writing last, 2 things have bugged me. One was a suggestion from my brother in law, and mental health nurse, that I may be suffering from borderline personality disorder. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll try and explain what that is. It may be an easy joke to make about me having 2 personalities, and I admit I play up to that, it’s simply not true. It means that 1 minute I can be happy enough in myself, then the next I can try and destroy that positivity and those relationships that bring me something new to deal with. It’s a pain in short, but goes some way to explaining some of my meltdowns. I’ve not got it fully checked out though because I’m content at the minute. Is that misguided of me? Ah piss of you hairy twat. Sorry that’s my BPD.
The 2nd thing to happen to me, and despite being in what I think is a good place, is those lovely dark thoughts returned last week. However, it wasn’t a case of thinking about suicide because I couldn’t cope, oh no, my brain decided to go in a new direction. “Well this is as good as it gets pal, might as well quit while your ahead”. I’ll be honest, it scared the crap out of me, that despite beating this illness, I can still revert to thoughts like that. This is the game changer though. I recognised those thoughts and dealt with them. I battled against them and unlike Ipswich Town, I don’t crack under pressure.
So I guess that’s a happy ending. I still think about taking my own life but I never will. Look, I told you at the beginning that I don’t really do happy.
Cheers
It’s been a while since I blogged last, and that’s because I’ve almost been living a normal life. To me, the occasional black day is normal, and as much as it infuriates Mrs G, it’s part of who I am now. However, since writing last, 2 things have bugged me. One was a suggestion from my brother in law, and mental health nurse, that I may be suffering from borderline personality disorder. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll try and explain what that is. It may be an easy joke to make about me having 2 personalities, and I admit I play up to that, it’s simply not true. It means that 1 minute I can be happy enough in myself, then the next I can try and destroy that positivity and those relationships that bring me something new to deal with. It’s a pain in short, but goes some way to explaining some of my meltdowns. I’ve not got it fully checked out though because I’m content at the minute. Is that misguided of me? Ah piss of you hairy twat. Sorry that’s my BPD.
The 2nd thing to happen to me, and despite being in what I think is a good place, is those lovely dark thoughts returned last week. However, it wasn’t a case of thinking about suicide because I couldn’t cope, oh no, my brain decided to go in a new direction. “Well this is as good as it gets pal, might as well quit while your ahead”. I’ll be honest, it scared the crap out of me, that despite beating this illness, I can still revert to thoughts like that. This is the game changer though. I recognised those thoughts and dealt with them. I battled against them and unlike Ipswich Town, I don’t crack under pressure.
So I guess that’s a happy ending. I still think about taking my own life but I never will. Look, I told you at the beginning that I don’t really do happy.
Cheers
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