Disorderly disorders

 So, the last blog I wrote was just after I had been signed off work owing to more of those mental illness battles I was losing. We’ve been over that, and I don’t need to do that again, I felt suicidal and incredibly low, but I’m not far away from returning to work now after some stern, yet rewarding, therapy (just waiting for someone to learn how to use a phone at occy health) and life, although not perfect, is certainly much easier.

Why this blog entry then? Well, there’s an issue I have. It’s called borderline personality disorder. It’s mostly a pain in the arse, but manageable. However, sometimes it just loves to deceive me and make me miss it slipping through the net. This time the obsessive side came through. I’m sure ex girlfriends will tell you I’ve never been obsessive, it was a shock to me to discover this can be a symptom 😉

Unfortunately, as a “jock”, I have the unfortunate pleasure of supporting Scotland at international tournaments. Normally it’s a good bit of banter, we crash out at the group stages and I remember why I’m much more of a club football guy. However, this year, the brain decided that I had to pick fights with every single England related post on social media. I thought it was just banter, but after a few days it became apparent that it was becoming obsessive and deliberately looking for an argument. It’s ok being passionate, it’s something you may have noticed when I’m supporting Norwich City, but this was damaging relationships. I had to do something. Come off social media was immediately a must. Have a word with Steve (my primal part of the brain) and address this. We’re Scottish Steve, we have to be used to the English thinking they’re superior. Let it go!

That is just what I’ve done, even congratulating England on twitter, which trust me was bloody horrible!!! I’ve let a lot of the baiting pass me by, and enjoy the tournament with the kids, youngest having drawn Italy in the family sweepstake. Some of us got Portugal, honestly I’d have been better off with Scotland.

So, apologies if I’ve offended you, when your rivals are enjoying good times it’s hard, with BPD it’s amplified ten fold. Eventually I saw what was happening and I’m back to being the little ray of sunshine you all know and love. 

I’ve copied a link to more info on BPD, coz I’m fooked if I understand it properly, so this is better reading than listening to me!!! Emotional instability is just one of a number of things I get to enjoy. See if you can spot the others next time you speak to me!!! Peace 💚

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

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