Happy anniversary
So on the 17th it will be a year since my Mrs frogmarched me to the doctors, and I was signed off work with a depressive disorder. So what’s changed in the past year? Everything and nothing is the confusing answer.
I say that because I’ve made big progress in managing my mental health. Tackling things head on and talking more. That’s made the biggest impact on my life, but also of those closest to me, who’ve had to suffer from the mood swings and dark thoughts, and that’s only when I watch Norwich City. I guess that’s the moral from my story. Talking really does help. No one can make you do it, but if you’re in that rut, pushing yourself and fighting the nagging thoughts (mine, not my wife’s) will get you feeling so much better about yourself.
That’s the positive stuff, but it’s not all a bed of roses. I’ve had some serious struggles, even making some pretty dark plans about my future. That’s the thing with depression, take your eye of the ball and, as I did, self medicate, and it will bite you, and you really have to fight back. I had the tools to fight, and as we head towards Christmas, I’m winning the battle. Christmas though. My arch nemesis.
Being told you must be happy and celebrate everything is a red rag to me and this pesky borderline personality disorder. Happy? Don’t tell me to be happy! I’ll show you, you can all hate everything as much as me. Already I’ve fought those self destructive thoughts. When plans you make don’t come to fruition it’s frustrating to anyone. To me, I want to tell you to stick your plans. I gave you the option, go fudge yourself. I have to be realistic though, those people will be upset if I let my dysfunctional head rule. Will I enjoy it? I’d like to say yes, let’s leave it at that.
Ultimately I have to conclude I’m in a much better place than this time last year. My personal campaign to improve mental health awareness has been pretty well received, the article in my employers magazine wasn’t met with too much ridicule. There’s still a lot to do on that front though. Just today I’ve had to defend a colleague who is struggling with their mental health, as it’s assumed by other colleagues, that this latest absence is just made up or a cry for attention. That can be so disheartening.
I guess the real test for me comes on Christmas jumper day this year. The catalyst for the majority of my issues over the last 12 months. Will I wear it, taking the mickey out of myself, and my football allegiance? Will I plan on doing it and then tell everyone it’s a stupid idea and why should I be cheerful? Now that’s a test!
Seasons greetings (or not!)
I say that because I’ve made big progress in managing my mental health. Tackling things head on and talking more. That’s made the biggest impact on my life, but also of those closest to me, who’ve had to suffer from the mood swings and dark thoughts, and that’s only when I watch Norwich City. I guess that’s the moral from my story. Talking really does help. No one can make you do it, but if you’re in that rut, pushing yourself and fighting the nagging thoughts (mine, not my wife’s) will get you feeling so much better about yourself.
That’s the positive stuff, but it’s not all a bed of roses. I’ve had some serious struggles, even making some pretty dark plans about my future. That’s the thing with depression, take your eye of the ball and, as I did, self medicate, and it will bite you, and you really have to fight back. I had the tools to fight, and as we head towards Christmas, I’m winning the battle. Christmas though. My arch nemesis.
Being told you must be happy and celebrate everything is a red rag to me and this pesky borderline personality disorder. Happy? Don’t tell me to be happy! I’ll show you, you can all hate everything as much as me. Already I’ve fought those self destructive thoughts. When plans you make don’t come to fruition it’s frustrating to anyone. To me, I want to tell you to stick your plans. I gave you the option, go fudge yourself. I have to be realistic though, those people will be upset if I let my dysfunctional head rule. Will I enjoy it? I’d like to say yes, let’s leave it at that.
Ultimately I have to conclude I’m in a much better place than this time last year. My personal campaign to improve mental health awareness has been pretty well received, the article in my employers magazine wasn’t met with too much ridicule. There’s still a lot to do on that front though. Just today I’ve had to defend a colleague who is struggling with their mental health, as it’s assumed by other colleagues, that this latest absence is just made up or a cry for attention. That can be so disheartening.
I guess the real test for me comes on Christmas jumper day this year. The catalyst for the majority of my issues over the last 12 months. Will I wear it, taking the mickey out of myself, and my football allegiance? Will I plan on doing it and then tell everyone it’s a stupid idea and why should I be cheerful? Now that’s a test!
Seasons greetings (or not!)
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