Me, myself and it. My story of depression

For this blog entry, I thought I’d try something different. After my last one shocked a few people, despite it never being my intention, I thought I’d try an interview, with me. So, what’s it like living with mental illness? I guess it’s something I’ve just learned to live with. I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety in 2006, and the novelty quickly wore off. It’s now part of me whether I like it or not. You wake up and you don’t know what a ‘normal’ person feels like when they wake up. The thoughts don’t go away, they just become manageable. What are the worst things you deal with? Hey, you’ve read the blog, the suicidal thoughts are the worst by far. Even when you’re having them, you know they’re wrong, or at least I do. I guess you could call me lucky like that. However, being alone with those thoughts is the scariest place I can imagine, because the thoughts make so much sense when you’re that low. Aside from that, I think the paranoia is bad. I become closed off ...

I purposely gave this blog no title as I don’t know how I’d introduce it. PLEASE DON’T READ THIS IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE UPSET BY IT’S CONTENT. This is me, my life, my struggle and my past month... I’ve been ill before, More times than a few, It’s made life terrible for me and worse for you. I don’t know where to turn now, It’s the worst I’ve ever been, The illness that I’ve hidden, the one you’ve never seen. Before I was staying here, Just for the boys, But now I feel as disposable as their well used toys. I never wanted to leave the earth, I felt I had so much to give, But with every argument bringing me down, What do I have to achieve, Why should I live. Yeah I thought before about stopping this hell, Because it makes me so unwell, But before I had strength. As the days tick by and I don’t see why, I’m not living I’m already past tense. Today I felt better, the will to succeed, I woke up fighting, the sense of “I believe”. But the mood soon changed, Indecisi...