Me, myself and it. My story of depression

  Saturday afternoon, a great time watching my new club, well started watching them in August, Staveley MWFC. A greeting from Pat the manager, a hello from Terry the chairman, and a coffee bought for me by my mate. All was good. Then a switch flicked that evening. I shut down. I cancelled my plans for my birthday, I deleted a load of apps that keep me social, I just didn’t want to associate with the outside world.  What caused it? Fuck knows. I suspect a simple misunderstanding was all it took for the brain to tip over the edge. I often say it’s like juggling for me. I can handle 3 things at once, but throw an extra thing in, no matter how small, and it all comes crashing down.  Just because I’m writing this doesn’t mean everything is good again. It’s not. I don’t want to talk to anybody. It agitates me. Just leave me alone. In the words of Wage War, “don’t keep on telling me that I’m gonna pull through, coz you don’t know low like I do.” I will get there but I want to do...

 Regular readers of this blog will know “Steve”. He’s the name I gave to the irrational / primal part of my brain. He’s the side that quite often influences what I do, as he’s probably tied the rational part up in a basement somewhere.  Anyway, with all that is going on with the world of late, I thought me and Steve could have a chat. Basically it’s an insight in to the thought process of a BPD / ASD person, when things are tough. Kris - go on then, tell me you’ve been waiting for this. Steve- This? I’ve not been waiting, you’ve just been ignoring me! K - yeah coz therapy teaches me to do that S- Oh yeah, “therapy”. You know she’s gonna be pissed off you haven’t been going? You coward! K - she knows the situation with finances and strikes, and why am I a coward? S - looking for excuses not to go! Hang on, did you mention the strikes? Let’s focus on that eh? K - eurgh, well I can’t ignore it. The fact it’s gonna carry on is worrying me. I just want to go to work and come home a...