Suicide ideation. My experience
It’s 3pm on a wet afternoon in March. You’ve gotta pick the kids up from school in a bit, then look forward to your impending birthday. 40 eh? What a milestone. Instead, you don’t feel like you’re in any sort of reality. You’re stood on the outside, of your own life, looking in. Watching it unfold like a film. Confused, you fake a headache just to go to bed and escape from this “film”. Laid there, at 4pm, the weather is no longer noticeable, the thoughts rush in your brain, and then it hits you. Why bother anymore? You don’t want to celebrate anything, you have nothing to celebrate. Your life has gone nowhere. Would the family even notice if you’d disappear? Nope. The wife does everything anyway. Yeah they’d mourn you briefly but easily move on. Cue bursting in to tears. The overwhelming emotion you just can’t control. The brain is giving up on you as well now. You cry for half an hour solid. You don’t know what to do next. You curl up in a ball, close your eye...