Challenge
There's a belief that once you've had your treatment, and you've not had to take time off, that you've beaten depression and you're ok now. Although that's accurate to a degree, every day a new challenge for me to face, and it can be just that, a challenge. The trouble is, some challenges I don't like to, or want to, face and this leads to disillusionment. I've stood up recently, put my head above the parapet, applied for jobs that really are out of my comfort zone. I was shot down. Twice. I put a brave face on it, but it hurt, my confidence took a hit. You end up thinking what's the point. You then carry this in to your working day. I've become withdrawn. I'm convincing myself that I don't fit in, so I just sit here quietly. I'm spare today and I've barely spoken. It's not because I'm grumpy, or tired, it's because I'm disillusioned and unhappy. However, talk to me and I'll be smiley and jokey. My game face. ...